Mid-September, Grand Forks. The heat has broken on Market Avenue. Reggie comes out of the post office with a parcel under his arm and his keys in his hand, the Miata at the curb. Haley is on the sidewalk, twenty feet away, in a loose shirt and jeans, looking at the window of a shop that used to be something else.
She has been home eleven days, at her parents' place on the north side. The town knows she had a double mastectomy in Vancouver and that the engagement is over; Reggie knows what the town knows. He has not seen her since the third time she told him no, in a Vancouver bar in 2019, when he told her he had heard her clearly and would stop asking. He meant it and he has kept it.
He sees her. She sees him see her. He crosses the twenty feet because not crossing them would be a statement.
Reggie
Haley
Haley
She turns from the window when she hears him coming — surprise, then the decision not to perform surprise.Hey, Reggie. You still have that car.
Reggie
Yes. I'm attached to it. I'll probably keep it until it can't be fixed.
Haley
She looks at the car for a moment, then back at him.How are you doing, Reggie.
Reggie
I'm ok. Not really much different.PausesI was going to say, "and you?" And then I realized I can't say that. I heard. Everyone knows.
Haley
She goes quiet for a second, and her posture relaxes the smallest degree.Yeah. You can still say "and you" if you want. I'm not going to shatter. I'm home. Cancer's gone. No reconstruction. No Graham. That's the inventory. I'm deciding what comes next and I hate not knowing yet. That's how I'm doing.
Reggie
Congratulations on the cancer being gone.
Haley
Thank you.A beat, genuine.Most people say 'you look great' and then find somewhere else to be. That's better.
Reggie
You look like life handed you some shit and you're still standing.
Haley
Yeah.She exhales, and it's quieter than her usual register.That's the whole summary, actually. That's exactly it.
Reggie
Haley, I won't add to your problems. I heard you the last time you told me no. I just want you to know I won't add to your troubles.
Haley
She goes still for a moment.That's the second time you've told me that.Quiet, not accusatory.I know you meant it the first time. I'm not in a place where I want anything from anyone right now. That's not about you. It's just where I am. But Reggie. You don't have to manage around me. You live here. I live here. You can just — be a person I run into.
Reggie
Yes, and I'll smile and say hello, and let you get on with your day. Which I should do now. It was really good seeing you again, Haley.
Haley
She doesn't move. He's already half-turned toward the Miata and she lets one beat go by — two.You know there used to be a good bakery in this spot.It comes out a little more abrupt than she intended, the pivot landing somewhere between non sequitur and lifeline.I was trying to remember what it was called. Birchwood something. You probably remember.
Reggie
Birchwood was right. They closed during Covid. We lost a lot during Covid. Not much is coming back, either. Tariffs are killing us now.
Haley
She latches onto it — not the tariffs, not Covid, but the fact that he knew.Birchwood. Yeah.She looks back at the empty window, then at him.I hate that. The whole block's different. I keep going to remember something and the thing I'm remembering isn't there. I didn't think coming back would feel like — this much is gone.
Reggie
Have you reconnected with anyone? Most of our high school class is still in town. I can put you in touch with most of them if you don't have their numbers. I'm not really friends with anyone but I'm friendly with everyone.
Haley
She hears the offer for what it is — a door being held open by someone who is not sure they should hold it, using the most neutral possible frame.I have numbers. I don't know who I want to call yet. I know it doesn't make sense from the outside — come home, see your people, let them help. But I spent eleven days making coffee in my mom's kitchen while people looked at me like I was a thing that had happened to them. The ones I've seen have been kind. That's the problem, actually. The kindness is — it's a lot to hold when you don't feel like being held. You said you're friendly with everyone but not friends with anyone. That's a strange distinction to draw out loud.
Reggie
I never really had any friends, Haley, even in high school. You know that. I'm from here but I never really fit in.
Haley
She doesn't look away from him when he says it. She'd known it in school — she'd even taken advantage of it, in the way people who don't have to think about belonging never think about it.I did know that.A beat, and there's no hedge in it, no softening.I think I just never thought about what it cost you. The kindness-problem I was just describing. I don't think you have that problem, do you. Nobody's been looking at you like a thing that happened to them.
Reggie
No. But no complaints. I'm respected. I bought a little house not far from our old high school. I volunteer at the soup kitchen and the homeless shelter. I'm a part of this place in a positive way. I'm just not on anyone's invitation list, which suits me. I turn down the few invitations I get.
Haley
She hears the whole shape of it — the soup kitchen, the shelter, the turned-down invitations — and she is quiet for a moment.Suits you.She says it without irony.Suits. Like the arrangement was your idea. I did that too, you know. Decided things I hadn't been given a choice about had suited me all along. It's a good word for it.
Reggie
Haley, you seem like you want to talk. If that's true, I'm open to it. I have nothing to do this afternoon that I can't defer until tomorrow. Or if I'm reading you wrong and you just want to get home, go. I won't disturb you.
Haley
She goes still for a long moment — the offer sitting in the air between them. She looks at him.You're not reading me wrong. But I want to be clear about what I want to talk about. It's not — I'm not looking for someone to process me. I've had plenty of that. I want to talk to someone who doesn't need me to be anything in particular. The cancer-free version or the brave version or the one who's figuring it out. I'm not sure you've got enough data on me to expect a version. Where do you go for coffee now that Birchwood's gone.
Reggie
Nowhere near the post office. Are you driving?
Haley
She had already calculated the bus and is quietly glad not to take it.No. I was going to bus. Where are we going.
Reggie
Anywhere we go, people will recognize you and try to sneak peeks to see if you've done reconstruction while pretending they're not looking. If you still trust me, I could drive you to my place. I won't try anything. No audience. Maybe stop by the old high school on the way just to see it. And whenever you ask, I'll run you back to your parents' place.
Haley
She goes quiet — not at the offer, but at the reason he gave for it. People sneaking peeks. She hadn't thought about that, and the fact that he had, unprompted, does something to the architecture of the moment.Yeah.She says it once, and then again, quieter.Yeah, okay. You said the old high school. I haven't driven past it yet. I keep thinking I will and then not.
Reggie's Place
Reggie
It's not very impressive. But welcome.
Haley
She steps inside and takes a moment — just one, standing in the doorway before she moves properly in, looking at the front room.It's really not.She says it deadpan, and then something shifts at the corner of her mouth.Reggie, it's lovely. Don't do that thing where you undersell it before I can see it.
Reggie
It is home and I love it, but I'm aware of what it is. Half the class is doing better than I am financially. Colton is rich. I'm not. And if you're going to lie about how amazing I'm doing, I'm going to start telling you how you look amazing, exactly the same as before.Grins
Haley
She looks at him for a moment — the grin landing, and she lets it.Half the class is doing better than you financially.She says it back to him, not mocking, just holding it up to the light.You have a house with a finished basement, a car you love, and no one making your decisions for you. I had a corporate salary and a fiancé and a view of the mountains and I came home with a duffel bag. Don't you dare tell me how amazing I look.
Reggie
We walk in, I give her the tour which takes 2 minutes, and we sit in the kitchen and I start making Rooibos tea without asking her because she always loved it when she was a kid.I heard the fiancé bailed. I'll spare you the performance of outrage. Do you miss him?
Haley
She watches him put the kettle on without asking, and she clocks it — the rooibos, the fact that he knew. She sits down at the kitchen table and her hands find each other on the surface in front of her, not fidgeting, just settling.You remembered that.A beat, and she doesn't make anything of it, moves right past it.No. I don't miss Graham. I miss the version of myself that thought he was a good idea. That's different. He stayed until the surgery and then he had a lot of feelings about his feelings, and I had to hold those while I was still in a hospital gown. So no. I'm not performing bravery about it. I genuinely don't miss him. What I miss is not having had better judgment at twenty-six.
Reggie
I'm surprised you haven't reconnected with some of the girls. You were always friendly with Kelsey. And Jenna just got divorced so you could bitch about men with her.
Haley
The kind of adjustment that happens when someone who doesn't know they're walking toward a wire walks toward it.Jenna I should probably call. Kelsey. I don't know what I'd say to Kelsey right now. She and Colton always came as a unit in my head. The accident — that's a lot to walk into, eleven days back. I wouldn't know what face to make.
Reggie
For whatever it's worth, they'll have the same concerns about you. Not sure if they're allowed to look at your chest or not.
Haley
A sound comes out of her that is too surprised to be a laugh, something more helpless than that.Oh God.She puts a hand over her mouth for a moment, and then drops it.Is that actually what it's like.
Reggie
Yes. I just looked. Saw there was nothing there. Filed it under "no reconstruction yet" and looked up. Saw that you're not smiling much these days and thought, I wouldn't smile much either. Then realized you're not feeling sorry for yourself and decided I won't either.
Haley
The hand that was over her mouth a second ago comes down to the table and settles.Nobody has done that.Her voice is very level.Everybody either stares at the middle distance or looks too carefully at my face, like they're making sure not to look anywhere else, which is somehow worse. You just — looked, and moved on. That should not be as hard to do as it apparently is.
Reggie
Guys are trained not to look at girls' breasts in 2026 at the best of times. #MeToo and all that. Add your stuff into the mix and nobody knows wtf they're allowed to look at or say. Don't blame them. They're not trying to make it weird.
Haley
She lets that sit for a second.That's fair.A beat, and she means it.I know it's not malice. I know that. It's just — the workaround is so legible. The careful eye contact. I can see the effort, which means I'm aware of my chest the whole time they are. You just made me feel like a person who happens to have a flat chest instead of a flat-chested person who has to be managed. I don't know if you understand what the difference is but it's significant.
Reggie
Colton gets the same. Nobody knows if they're allowed to mention his stuff. I'm not his friend but we have reason to talk now and then. His is not an easy path. At least he's rich.
Haley
She goes still — not at the name, at the pivot. The tea is poured now and she pulls the mug closer without drinking from it yet.Yeah. I hadn't thought about that. His thing is visible, too. The walker, the whole — yeah. People treating you like a category instead of a person. It's not exclusive to cancer. You said you have reason to talk to him now and then. What does that mean, Reggie.
Reggie
It's complicated. He actually decided this week to not have it be a secret anymore so he told me I can just tell anyone in the friend group who asked, and Kelsey agreed, but it's not really pertinent to anything so I won't burden you with it.
Haley
The mug is in her hands now and she doesn't put it down, just holds it.Complicated.She says the word back at him without any particular weight, letting it hang there, and she watches his face.You're going to tell me something, and you've already decided you're not, and you're trying to find out if I'll let you off the hook. Reggie. I am genuinely not in this town's information loop yet. I don't have a team. I'm not going to run to Kelsey and report what you said. What does 'reason to talk' mean.
Reggie
Well...you haven't seen him. He can't really walk. He can do something that looks like walking with two canes or a walker. But his body is just not functional from the waist down.
Haley
She sets the mug down carefully, and her eyes stay on him.Okay. And Kelsey. She's twenty-eight. And he can't — How long has this been going on.
Reggie
Since the accident several years ago. Since she was 25.
Haley
She is very still for a moment. Not the kind of still that's managing a reaction — the kind that's just doing the arithmetic, letting the number come out.She's twenty-eight and been with that for three years. And you have reason to talk to Colton. You're not telling me you're their friend, Reggie. So what are you telling me.
Reggie
I've been sleeping with Kelsey for two years, with Colton's knowledge and permission.
Haley
She doesn't move. The mug is in front of her and she looks at it for a moment, then back at him, and when she speaks it's very quiet.Colton's permission.She lets that sit.Two years. He asked you, or you asked him. No, wait — she asked you. She chose you specifically.
Reggie
She did, and Colton agreed because I am no threat to him. He's the tall, white high-school jock. Another tall, white jock would be bad for his ego. Me? He doesn't like it but he can live with it, and he has come to realize that this has saved their marriage.
Haley
She is quiet for longer than is comfortable. She looks at the mug. She looks at him.He can live with it because you're not a threat.She says it flat, without inflection, and then something hardens very slightly at the corner of her jaw.You're okay with that. Being — the safe option. The one that doesn't register on his radar because of what you look like. Tell me you've thought about what that is.
Reggie
I have. But I've had the hots for Kelsey since high school. She turned me down for a date once back then. She had her eyes on the prize and she got it. So here was a chance to screw a girl I've always wanted with nobody getting hurt and I took it. And then, because none of us really thought this through, it became so much more. But we know the "more" has walls. But for a few hours a week, we are madly in love with each other.
Haley
She picks up the mug finally and holds it in both hands.Madly in love.She says it softly, not mocking — just making sure she heard it right.You said that like it doesn't cost you anything. The few hours a week. The walls it can't go past. The part where Colton can live with it because you don't register as a threat. You got the girl you wanted and you're also the man who doesn't count. And you're telling me that's okay with you. You were always the best liar in a town that never noticed you enough to catch it, Reggie. I'm noticing.
Reggie
I'm okay with it because it's the most love I've ever had from a woman. She walks in that door and her face lights up. And I'm able to do things with her that Colton never could. I'm a pretty good dancer. We dance for hours. Colton's idea of sex, back when he could do it, was to impersonate a jackhammer and figure that women just come naturally from that. I've gotten pretty good at giving her orgasms. Maybe even very good. And yes, it breaks my heart a bit when she kisses me goodbye at night and goes back home to him, but I know that's the deal, and I know I was more loved for those few hours than I have ever been before in my life. So yes, I'll take it.
Haley
The mug is warm in her hands and she looks down at it, and when she looks back up her face has gone careful.Okay. I'm not going to argue you out of it. You know what it is better than I do. I just want to ask you one thing and you don't have to answer it. When she kisses you goodbye. That moment, specifically. Does she know what's on your face when she leaves, or does she not look back.
Reggie
She knows. She feels it, too. She cries. We talk about taking trips together, dancing on the cobblestones of Quito or Buenos Aires. We toy with asking Colton if it would be okay, just for a few days. We haven't yet. Neither of us wants to mess it up. She has two kids, a family, and the respect of the community. Even hearing about this arrangement, nobody so far has freaked out. It's just common sense. A way to deal with the unthinkable that happened to the strongest guy in school. But nobody knows we love each other. And that we tell each other that. We both know it can't go any further.
Haley
The mug stays in her hands. Outside, the afternoon light is moving on the kitchen table between them, and she watches it for a moment before she looks back at him.She cries.She says it quietly, not like a question, not like an accusation — more like she's just setting it down somewhere.And you hold her while she does. And then she goes home. And then you're alone in this kitchen. Reggie. I'm aware I'm the last person in this room with standing to say this. I'm going to say it anyway. The trips to Buenos Aires you haven't taken yet. The asking Colton that you haven't done yet, because you don't want to mess it up. Those aren't plans. They're the lid you keep on the part that doesn't fit the arrangement. I know because I did the same thing with Graham. Decided the shape of what I had was the shape of what I wanted. You said it's the most love you've ever had from a woman. I believe you. I also think you know that 'the most I've ever had' is not the same thing as 'enough.' That's the one thing. You don't have to answer it.
Reggie
Of course, it's not enough. But Haley, nobody wants to wake up with me. That's my reality. No girl has ever chosen me first, including Kelsey. She chose Colton and I'm only in the picture because of the shit that happened to him. This isn't self-pity any more than your loose shirt is self pity. It's just my reality. And if that's my reality, I'm going to take the three or four hours of intense love twice a week that I can get. It's more than many ever get.
Haley
She is quiet for a long moment. Not the processing kind of quiet — the kind where the thing has landed and she is deciding whether to let it land or push back on it. She looks at him across the table and when she speaks it is very steady.Nobody wants to wake up with me either, Reggie. Right now. As of this year. So I am sitting in your kitchen with a flat chest and no Graham and no plan, and I want you to hear what I'm about to say without deciding it's pity, because it isn't.A beat. She doesn't look away.The loose shirt isn't self-pity and I know that. And I know you know the difference between self-pity and just saying the true thing out loud. I'm not arguing with your math. Three hours twice a week of real love is more than a lot of people get — you said it and you're right. I'm just sitting here thinking about the man who crossed twenty feet of sidewalk because not crossing them would have been a statement, and remembered Birchwood without being asked, and looked at my chest and filed it and moved on, and made rooibos without asking. And I'm thinking that man does not exist in this town's accounting of itself at all. And that is a genuine waste. That's the only thing I wanted to say.
Reggie
Can I ask you something without it sounding like a come-on? Because it's not a come-on. I remember your answer. But I have a question.
Haley
She sets the mug down. Looks at him. Gives him the nod that means go ahead.Ask it.
Reggie
Are you sexually normal aside from them cutting off your breasts? Do you have the same sex drive? Can you orgasm the same as before?
Haley
She goes completely still for a long moment. She looks at the table for a second, then back at him.Yes. Everything works exactly the same. The nerve endings, the drive — none of that was involved in what they took. I looked it up approximately eight hundred times in the hospital because nobody volunteered the information. Graham never asked. He asked how I was feeling. He asked if I was comfortable. He never once asked the thing you just asked, and I think that was the moment I knew, actually knew, that it was over. Because the question underneath his question was always about him. Why are you asking.
Reggie
Why? Honestly because as much as I keep trying not to, I still care about you. And that also wasn't a come-on.
Haley
She doesn't move for a long moment, and she doesn't do anything with her face to manage what's on it.I know it wasn't. That's the problem, Reggie. That's exactly the problem.
Reggie
You know, you won't have any trouble finding a guy to wake up with. You're still white, cute, and you'll learn to smile again in time which will make you irresistible again. But you know what the problem will be? They'll all be wannabe superheroes, trying to save the poor and helpless damsel in distress. And more importantly, wanting credit for it. Telling the friend group how they did this and did that, posting it on FB and IG, and aren't they just a fucking superhero? And that will irritate you and amuse me so I hope it happens a lot. I will follow them on IG.
Haley
Not quite a smile — closer to the thing that comes before a smile, the thing that decides whether it's going to.You're going to follow them on Instagram. You absolute — You know the worst part is that you're completely right. That's exactly what will happen. Some guy with a podcast about vulnerability will show up and want to hold my hand through it and tag me in a post about courage and I will have to decide whether to let him or leave the province. You're the only person who has made me laugh today. I want you to know I'm choosing not to find that significant.
Reggie
It isn't. I believe you'll laugh again. And not just with me. And if that takes a bit of time, well, we're all still just 28. We have time.
Tell me something else. Does it hurt? Does it affect your energy levels? Can you operate normally?
Tell me something else. Does it hurt? Does it affect your energy levels? Can you operate normally?
Haley
She hears the first part land. Then he pivots and she looks at him across the table with an expression that is considering and not unkind.No. It doesn't hurt. The surgery site healed clean. Energy is — I'm not running marathons but that's the tamoxifen, and it comes and goes. I work around it. The main thing is the scan schedule. Every few months I go back and they look for things and I wait to find out if my life is still mine. That's the part nobody asks about either. The waiting. It has a texture. You can operate normally with a thing like that sitting on you but you do notice it's there. It's like a sound in a building that you stop hearing until the room gets quiet enough.
Reggie
Good, then you can help me with dinner. Spaghetti with chicken marinara sauce sound ok?
Haley
You are not asking me to stay for dinner.She doesn't move to get up.What do I do with the chicken.
Reggie
I'm asking you to help cook dinner. It would be rude not to let you stay after you do that. But seriously, if your parents are expecting you to join them, I'll run you home. I never knew them well but I remember them. My guess is your mother spends most of her time around you crying, and your father tries hard to say something wise every few minutes to make it all better, both of which make you want to hang yourself. So if they can spare you for just one night, I'll share my extremely ordinary pasta with you.
Haley
She goes still for a moment — not at the dinner, at the parenthetical. The way he read her parents without having been told anything.My mother has cried four times today and my father this morning told me that everything happens for a reason.She stands up and moves toward the counter.So. Chicken. What do I do with it.
Reggie
Call them first. Make sure they're ok with it. They love you and I'm not going to let them worry.She sighs, she calls, they're happy she's with old friends and encourage her to get out more. Reggie and Haley cook for the next hour. Somewhere in the middle of it, Haley starts to smile again.
